Well guys, this is my first attempt in 55 fiction.
Her words were deep cuts to his heart. The perennial smile on his face faded away.
"Is there someone else?" he asked.
"Leave me alone, just go"
With a heavy heart and welled up eye he slowly turned and left.
Holding back tears she opened the wrinkled paper and reread the cursed word - Leukemia
86 comments:
If this is your first attempt you are going to do wonders with 55WF. This is great!
Very touching. An array of emotions displayed in so few words.
very nice one amal..
a great one for a first one!!
http://thatslifemyfriend.blogspot.com/
nice choice of words dude...
But I thought that the ending was bit clichéd..
but thats just me...
keep penning more...
cheers :)
muthu
@ Aniket
thanks a lot mate..
do visit again... :)
@ Chronicwriter
thank you :)
@ Muthu
ill try to better it next time mate..
thanks for the feedback :)
Neat attempt. Keep the creative juices flowing.
thanks ashwathy :)
i know m late in replying here... :(
but really its awesome.... And you already know it... don't u ;)
wow! u too Amal:)
its nice, maybe clichéd but so what...keep the flow going.....
HATE tragic endings like these :-(
beautifully written tho.. heart rending. keep it coming!
hey .. nice one :)
wow I never read anything so touching and that too written in just a few words...
Great great great. :P
But it became a lil too stereotyped, you can harp on some more uncommon issues. Nevertheless, I believe you are going to work out wonders. :)
Cheers. :)
:(
How I hate sad endings...
@ Deepika
thank you.. thanks a lot :)
@ Vinnie
i know.. ill try to do better next time.. thanks :)
@Ashwathy
well... tragic ones are the only ones coming right now for me ;)
thanks for the feedback
@ Vinitha
thanks.. :)
@ Rads
thanks :)
@ Diya
guess i shd try that.. thanks for dropping by... :)
@ Dhanya
well.. life doesnt always have happy endings, does it?
thanks for the comment :)
Good job amal ......... I would say a smart piece !!!
thanks Rahul..
have a good day :)
dear amal,
so touching!an eye opener to me who is so impatient in life!
beautiful writing......
looking forward.......
happy blogging!
sasneham,
anu
Hey Amal
Finally here!!! Pretty neat I say...this was awesome....but I guess sort of predictable..
Even so, liked its treatment....keep writing mate!! :)
Wow.. great attempt at 55fiction :D
Btw all your plots seems to hover around a sad-love-theme.. why?? ;)
good job. tho the ending ws a lil bit filmy. but good choice of words...keep going!! expecting more..:)
that was a neat one :)
keep writing them mate... cheers,,,
wow fabulous!!!
You've been awarded - http://may-i-live-happily-ever-after.blogspot.com/2009/05/ranting-plus-my-first-ever-awards.html :)
this was touching amal
reely reely touching.
i so so hate love storied gettin ended like this :(
:(
kudos!
Very beautiful attempt I must say. Very touchy.
Keep up the good job!
brilliant, amal... and very sad. but if he loves her so much would he leave her so unquestioningly? i certainly hope if i tell my love to go away, he'll sense something is wrong and stick around. :)]
but once again, brilliant.
That was toooo gud to take it just as first attempt...
Very very touching n emotional...
good!! Kept me thinking till the last word.. :)
@ Anupama
thanks a lot..
do drop in again :)
@ Smriti
ya.. guess it was :(
ill improve nxt time.. :)
do visit again
@ Sriram
sad love theme??
where? when? ;) ;)
@ Damsel
thanks.. :)
@ Arv
thanks buddy :)
@ Ki
thanks a lot for the award n the comment :)
@ Priya
well.. i have some more tragic love stories in draft form now... ;(
thanks for the feedback :)
keep smiling :)
@ Wild Child
Welcome to my blog..
n thanks for the feedback :)
do drop in again :)
@ Little Girl
well... he is a really nice n sensitive guy ( most guys dont cry, especially in front of their girlfriend ) but her words really broke him down..
all he had in mind was that there was someone else.. n she didnt even give a convincing answer to his query.. so may be he just felt like leaving her alone..
but you have to look into the girls part too.. she wanted him to hate her and go away from her life n not worry abt her anymore, so she acted in a rough way..
@ Devil ( sorry.. for calling that ;) )
thanks a tonne :)
@ Niti...
thanks for the comment.. :)
Small yet larger than life effect...... Too good buddy.
thanks buddy.. :-)
That's simply superb for a first timer :) Kudos!!!
amal that rocks :)
@ kido
thanks a lot
@AD
thanks.. :-)
a very nice first attempt :)
keep it up amal. :)
Wonderful effort .. :-)
Maryam
spar attempt mashe!
Keep them coming!
@Preetilata
thanks a lot.. :-)
@Maryam
thanks for the feedback
good day :-)
wow..
your first attempt was great...
waiting for your future attempts... :)
@ DPhatsez
thanks buddy... :)
@ BK
thanks..
i hope to improve in my next attempts ;)
do visit often
tc :)
Aw, that was a very touching post, written so simply but effectively.
Keep up.
@ Saranya..
welcome to my blog n thanks for the feedback..
do drop in again..
tc :)
Maybe a little clichéd. But good effort.
ya.. i know :-(
but ill improve next time..
first attempt..n u did a splendid job amal..
kudos!
u said everythng in just so few words..
Good day..
thanks a lot Swati...
have a fine day..
keep smiling :-)
hi amal!
everyone's doing 55 fiction... i should do it now too hehe
coming to the post, that had an impact :)
First one aye? Cool! Do it more often. Will come back for more :)
wow!! this one was really a great first 55 fiction. So many emotions displayed, so many feelings shown with the words unsaid
@ WarmSunshine
welcome to my blog..
thanks a lot for the comment
n do visit often...
:)
@ Lena..
thanks for the comment :)
cheers :)
GOOD job :-)
I liked the 1st line, that was half the job done :-)
btw, Is it welled up or swelled up? I need you 2 expand my vocab if I'm pointing on a well used word..
Kindly enlighten..
anyway, Tc! :-)
that was so good... usual ending... but we never get tired of good stuff... :)
@Express
well.. i guess welled up would fit ;-)
thanks for the feedback..
do come back
@ ApocalypsE
thanks :)
55 Fiction...
A great attempt!
Touching! :)
Would love to read you more...Its my first visit here! Take care... :)
Cheers
*PEACE*
thanks a lot for the visit..
a lot is said in very little..
good piece.
thanks :)
a real amazing one... touching one
this was touching !! perfect title :)
Nice one Amal.. Very touching..
@Meghaa, Pretty me, Dhanya
thank you guys.. :)
Hey Amal
You are awesome...
I donno much abt Fiction55 n all...bt all tht i knw is
"d best comment a writer can get is getting tears in d readers eyes."
and Yes u did it...u brought tears in my eyes...nt just me..evn my Frnd who unfortunately coudln't comment here
anyways..gr8 work buddy :)
takecare
keep smiling :)
Decently good! I appreciate the attempt! And, since it is your first, it is quite good, actually. But, clichéd. Mind you, that is not bad considering this is your first attempt. Keep writing!
very very touching n deep! keep u the good work !:)
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