May 20, 2009

Cursed Word



Well guys, this is my first attempt in 55 fiction.



Her words were deep cuts to his heart. The perennial smile on his face faded away.
"Is there someone else?" he asked.
"Leave me alone, just go"
With a heavy heart and welled up eye he slowly turned and left.
Holding back tears she opened the wrinkled paper and reread the cursed word - Leukemia

86 comments:

Aniket said...

If this is your first attempt you are going to do wonders with 55WF. This is great!

Very touching. An array of emotions displayed in so few words.

Chronicwriter said...

very nice one amal..

a great one for a first one!!

http://thatslifemyfriend.blogspot.com/

muthu said...

nice choice of words dude...

But I thought that the ending was bit clichéd..

but thats just me...

keep penning more...

cheers :)

muthu

Amal Bose said...

@ Aniket
thanks a lot mate..
do visit again... :)

Amal Bose said...

@ Chronicwriter

thank you :)

Amal Bose said...

@ Muthu

ill try to better it next time mate..
thanks for the feedback :)

Ashwadhy said...

Neat attempt. Keep the creative juices flowing.

Amal Bose said...

thanks ashwathy :)

Deepika Gupta said...

i know m late in replying here... :(
but really its awesome.... And you already know it... don't u ;)

Vinnie said...

wow! u too Amal:)
its nice, maybe clichéd but so what...keep the flow going.....

Ashwathy said...

HATE tragic endings like these :-(

beautifully written tho.. heart rending. keep it coming!

Vinitha Vasanth said...

hey .. nice one :)

rads said...

wow I never read anything so touching and that too written in just a few words...

Diya said...

Great great great. :P
But it became a lil too stereotyped, you can harp on some more uncommon issues. Nevertheless, I believe you are going to work out wonders. :)
Cheers. :)

Dhanya said...

:(

How I hate sad endings...

Amal Bose said...

@ Deepika
thank you.. thanks a lot :)

Amal Bose said...

@ Vinnie
i know.. ill try to do better next time.. thanks :)

Amal Bose said...

@Ashwathy
well... tragic ones are the only ones coming right now for me ;)
thanks for the feedback

Amal Bose said...

@ Vinitha
thanks.. :)

Amal Bose said...

@ Rads
thanks :)

Amal Bose said...

@ Diya
guess i shd try that.. thanks for dropping by... :)

Amal Bose said...

@ Dhanya
well.. life doesnt always have happy endings, does it?
thanks for the comment :)

Rahul Viswanath said...

Good job amal ......... I would say a smart piece !!!

Amal Bose said...

thanks Rahul..
have a good day :)

anupama said...

dear amal,
so touching!an eye opener to me who is so impatient in life!
beautiful writing......

looking forward.......
happy blogging!
sasneham,
anu

SMRITI said...

Hey Amal

Finally here!!! Pretty neat I say...this was awesome....but I guess sort of predictable..

Even so, liked its treatment....keep writing mate!! :)

Sriram said...

Wow.. great attempt at 55fiction :D
Btw all your plots seems to hover around a sad-love-theme.. why?? ;)

damsel in distress said...

good job. tho the ending ws a lil bit filmy. but good choice of words...keep going!! expecting more..:)

Arv said...

that was a neat one :)

keep writing them mate... cheers,,,

ki said...

wow fabulous!!!

ki said...

You've been awarded - http://may-i-live-happily-ever-after.blogspot.com/2009/05/ranting-plus-my-first-ever-awards.html :)

Priya Joyce said...

this was touching amal

reely reely touching.

i so so hate love storied gettin ended like this :(

:(

kudos!

~*wILd chILd*~ said...

Very beautiful attempt I must say. Very touchy.
Keep up the good job!

Little Girl Lost said...

brilliant, amal... and very sad. but if he loves her so much would he leave her so unquestioningly? i certainly hope if i tell my love to go away, he'll sense something is wrong and stick around. :)]
but once again, brilliant.

Devil Incarnate... said...

That was toooo gud to take it just as first attempt...
Very very touching n emotional...

Niti said...

good!! Kept me thinking till the last word.. :)

Amal Bose said...

@ Anupama

thanks a lot..
do drop in again :)

Amal Bose said...

@ Smriti
ya.. guess it was :(

ill improve nxt time.. :)
do visit again

Amal Bose said...

@ Sriram
sad love theme??
where? when? ;) ;)

Amal Bose said...

@ Damsel
thanks.. :)

Amal Bose said...

@ Arv

thanks buddy :)

Amal Bose said...

@ Ki

thanks a lot for the award n the comment :)

Amal Bose said...

@ Priya

well.. i have some more tragic love stories in draft form now... ;(

thanks for the feedback :)

keep smiling :)

Amal Bose said...

@ Wild Child

Welcome to my blog..
n thanks for the feedback :)

do drop in again :)

Amal Bose said...

@ Little Girl

well... he is a really nice n sensitive guy ( most guys dont cry, especially in front of their girlfriend ) but her words really broke him down..
all he had in mind was that there was someone else.. n she didnt even give a convincing answer to his query.. so may be he just felt like leaving her alone..
but you have to look into the girls part too.. she wanted him to hate her and go away from her life n not worry abt her anymore, so she acted in a rough way..

Amal Bose said...

@ Devil ( sorry.. for calling that ;) )

thanks a tonne :)

Amal Bose said...

@ Niti...
thanks for the comment.. :)

Nikholic said...

Small yet larger than life effect...... Too good buddy.

Amal Bose said...

thanks buddy.. :-)

Kido said...

That's simply superb for a first timer :) Kudos!!!

AD said...

amal that rocks :)

Amal Bose said...

@ kido
thanks a lot

Amal Bose said...

@AD
thanks.. :-)

Preetilata【ツ】 said...

a very nice first attempt :)

keep it up amal. :)

infoguide said...

Wonderful effort .. :-)

Maryam

DPhatsez said...

spar attempt mashe!
Keep them coming!

Amal Bose said...

@Preetilata
thanks a lot.. :-)

Amal Bose said...

@Maryam
thanks for the feedback
good day :-)

BK said...

wow..
your first attempt was great...
waiting for your future attempts... :)

Amal Bose said...

@ DPhatsez
thanks buddy... :)

Amal Bose said...

@ BK
thanks..
i hope to improve in my next attempts ;)
do visit often
tc :)

Saranya said...

Aw, that was a very touching post, written so simply but effectively.
Keep up.

Amal Bose said...

@ Saranya..
welcome to my blog n thanks for the feedback..
do drop in again..
tc :)

Gymnast said...

Maybe a little clichéd. But good effort.

Amal Bose said...

ya.. i know :-(
but ill improve next time..

swati said...

first attempt..n u did a splendid job amal..
kudos!
u said everythng in just so few words..
Good day..

Amal Bose said...

thanks a lot Swati...
have a fine day..
keep smiling :-)

WarmSunshine said...

hi amal!

everyone's doing 55 fiction... i should do it now too hehe

coming to the post, that had an impact :)
First one aye? Cool! Do it more often. Will come back for more :)

Lena said...

wow!! this one was really a great first 55 fiction. So many emotions displayed, so many feelings shown with the words unsaid

Amal Bose said...

@ WarmSunshine
welcome to my blog..
thanks a lot for the comment
n do visit often...
:)

Amal Bose said...

@ Lena..
thanks for the comment :)
cheers :)

Express said...

GOOD job :-)

I liked the 1st line, that was half the job done :-)

btw, Is it welled up or swelled up? I need you 2 expand my vocab if I'm pointing on a well used word..
Kindly enlighten..

anyway, Tc! :-)

ApocalypsE said...

that was so good... usual ending... but we never get tired of good stuff... :)

Amal Bose said...

@Express
well.. i guess welled up would fit ;-)
thanks for the feedback..
do come back

Amal Bose said...

@ ApocalypsE
thanks :)

Aarthi said...

55 Fiction...
A great attempt!

Touching! :)

Would love to read you more...Its my first visit here! Take care... :)

Cheers

*PEACE*

Amal Bose said...

thanks a lot for the visit..

floreta said...

a lot is said in very little..
good piece.

Amal Bose said...

thanks :)

Meghaa said...

a real amazing one... touching one

Pretty Me!! said...

this was touching !! perfect title :)

Dhanya said...

Nice one Amal.. Very touching..

Amal Bose said...

@Meghaa, Pretty me, Dhanya
thank you guys.. :)

Satyu said...

Hey Amal

You are awesome...
I donno much abt Fiction55 n all...bt all tht i knw is
"d best comment a writer can get is getting tears in d readers eyes."
and Yes u did it...u brought tears in my eyes...nt just me..evn my Frnd who unfortunately coudln't comment here
anyways..gr8 work buddy :)
takecare
keep smiling :)

Brosreview said...

Decently good! I appreciate the attempt! And, since it is your first, it is quite good, actually. But, clichéd. Mind you, that is not bad considering this is your first attempt. Keep writing!

Apparently Intellectual said...

very very touching n deep! keep u the good work !:)