I'm not sure if my introduction into the world of science was a blessing or a curse. It has definitely changed my outlook toward everything around me and I learned to think on my own. An academically average student became a curious observer and the thirst to know more only increased as I filled myself with what appeared to be the truth. But I had a larger prize to pay for that.
The truth I sought left a small hole in my pot labeled faith and my faith in god started to leak out leaving a dark trail behind me. Before I knew it, I had an empty pot with nothing to put my faith in. I never knew being realistic could rob you off your optimism.
Now I can never leave anything to chance for I knew that no one was there to guide me in my darkest hours or bring me luck when I needed it most. I felt betrayed and lonely in the world ruled not by love, sympathy or benevolence but by forces of attraction or repulsion and other forces that I now don't care to remember.
I know I'm believing in the truth, but when I see others around me crying, sobbing and talking at the house of god as though to a person sitting beside you, who nods at your every word with compassion, sympathy and understanding, I feel that I'm losing something, something worth treasuring, something that makes me feel that my tears are not in vain.
The feeling of having someone beside, you no matter wherever you are and at all times, to show a shoulder for you to cry on and empty your sorrow, to give you comfort and strength.
To have an invisible yet loyal friend, lover, guide all the time.
Now I truly understand what god is…
It's a part of yourself that comes forward at times of loneliness and sorrow to share your grief and give you a warm hug.It cannot change water to wine or cure the blind or get to rich in a fortnight or win battles for you or comes in all fury to exterminate the evil. But it does have the magical power to make you feel yourself.