March 9, 2009

I'll never let go..

" A day would come wen u wud walk thru the large gate, on the lonely white path with dry leaves dancing in air, trees swaying in the breeze, away from the place where once love was made..smiles shared.. hearts broken.. tears spilled. Passing out, u wud feel the essence of unknown emotions.. then wen u step into ur lonely classroom with time to spare, only memories wud be there with u, u wud realize dat HEAVEN was HERE, just years before.
ENJOY COLLEGE LIFE! "

I get a lot of such campus messages daily. Passing out of college has always been a hard thing when u think about it. And the worst part is that horrible moment is getting close - only one more year in this wonderful college.

Almost everyone considers their college life as the best days of their life and im no different. But something tells me that its not entirely true. Its about my school life that im talking about – SNPS. It was the place I spend the best 12 years of my life. I cannot tell through words the connection I had with that place.. how homely I felt within those walls. Sadly that is something I don’t feel with my college right now. Of course im more free and have a lot of friends in my college than in my school. But its about the psychological attachment I had with the place.. the structure.. the soul of my school. I know each and every nook and corner of my school and when im inside, I feel just like being at home.. There never was any strangeness.

I used the “was” deliberately… lately it felt different.

Yes.. I went back to my school some time ago.. and felt different - heart breakingly different. For the first time in my life, I felt like a stranger in my own school. Before, I was a part of it, a part of a great institution.. now its not the same, every thing seems different. Strange eyes staring at me.
May be its because of the new students there, or the absence of some of my favourite teachers, or because of the changes it had underwent during my absence, or still may be because i was no longer a student there.
It no longer the place I would have gladly called home.
Now I don’t want to go back there. Not because I don’t like it.. but because I don’t want to experience the strange feeling about my school ever again.

It really hurts to think that im breaking away from the best years of my life. I don’t think I will ever come at least close to such a great place. Of course I love my college, but I just don’t feel the same. May be its because of the 12 to 3 year difference..
or may be I don’t want to feel the same way.

SNPS was like my second home and I really want it to remain the same forever.

I dont want to let go of it and I’ll never let go.

17 comments:

Deepika Gupta said...

Well written and touching post... i feel someone described my feelings... :)
Nice to know you feel for something and you miss your school but i must tell you something.... in college initially for 2 years i felt i love my school more than clg... but after i passed out only thing i recall the most is the masti and great time i spent in college days!!
And i have realized.. why we don't feel about things we possess at the moment but we realize its value after we lose it...
After i finished with grad i suddenly started realizing that was a life.... Best of my life.... though in grad i used to miss my school and wished to go back but all i want now is my present... coz i dont wanna waste it thinking about what has gone.. coz this wasted time won't come again in life.. So inspite of knowing my grad was great i feel my present is no less.... i dnt wanna repeat what i did in grad i used to think about school may b i wasted time in that... coz clg itself was a brilliant life...
Now i just wanna live the present.. to the fullest so that i can have another brilliant life and best of memories once again :D

IndianPie said...

Hi dear! You are absolutely right. School days are the best days in one's life. I too had the same feeling when I left my school and made my way to my new college. School life is simply the best !

G.Kannan said...

Your post is full of contrasting sentiments applicable to all of us. The past memories are always sweeter than what we experienced when we were actually in that period. Five years from now, you will have similar feelings about your present college days. Ten years later, you will have sweet memories of your early adulthood, your first job, first colleagues, etc. And this goes on throughout one’s life. So enjoy the present to the maximum of course within normal and decent boundaries. Always get many photos of various stages in your life. This will bring back to you floods and mountains of sweet memories which can be shared with your wife and your children at that time. The greatness of the photos of school and college days is felt only after you are above 40 years of age. And most importantly, do keep track of your school and college friends throughout life, know about various developments in their lives, and maintain regular contact and visits wherever and whenever possible.

Nice write-up, full of age-appropriate feelings of a young boy.

Dewdrop said...

This is my first visit to your blog and what struck me most about it is the skin... I liked the knick-knacks in the header... Coming to this blog-post, it is an interesting view vis-a-vis those of us who get nostalgic about our Alma-Maters and want to get back to them time and again. Coming to think of it, yes, I guess we do notice a lot of new faces, absence of ol' teachers and profs but we tend to focus on good ol' days and ignore these. Refreshing!

amalbose said...

@ Deepika:
like always you give hope for all.. wish i could be like that.
@ Indianpie:
u r right... :)
@Kannan:
yes.. photographs are a good way to keep the past alive in your heart. thanks for the visit..
@ Dewdrop:
Thanks..

Paige said...

most people that i know think that high school is the best time of your life but i think that its college life!

Anyway, everything changes.. I understand that when you visited your school again, it felt rather different. But I think that you should focus more on the present, the here and now.. If you keep looking back, you'll miss the good stuff happening in the present..

Keep posting

Viajero said...

I miss my friends in colg :(
I miss my teachers in school :|
Life in college was breezy because of the friends, totally carefree...the best days to enjoy...hoping that I would be getting 2 more years to enjoy net year :)

Its the past and the good memories that we can reminiscence all through the future :)

PS: U classmate of Sivaharsh@CET?

amalbose said...

@ paige: yes.. thats what everyone says.

@ Viajero: thats for the feedback and yes i know Shivaharsh, he was in my class till last sem, now we got shuffled and he is in another batch.
u are friends??

Prashant Sree said...

School and College - both are memories which will always bring back a whole load of emotions. For me, I liked my school days a lot more than my college days, though i had more learning in my college days...

Iam not sure what do u mean by - "Never what to let go" ??

A nice sentimental post...

Dhanya said...

I also miss my school very much.. But strangely I have never gone there after I passed out.. But now a days when I go in front of the gate I feel it's a different place. So many new blocks, the old trees are chopped off, new play areas.. The old stuff won't come back.. So just be happy with the present.. I know it's easier said than done :(

aqua gurl said...

i like the layout of your blog, the comment thingy:D:D

school days were the most memorable days, i can writes endlessly on it:P

Tina said...

You have just been awarded the "Honest Scrap" award. I couldn't think of a more deserving candidate.
To claim your badge and pass it on, go to http://asontvproducts.blogspot.com/
Again, Congratulations on a wonderful blog!

amalbose said...

@ Prashant Sree: it means i never what to let go of my feelings for my school
@aqua girl: :)
Tina: thanks a lot

Viajero said...

We are cousins ;)

Hari said...

What? i really consider our school above our college??? hmmm k... perhaps u should get a bit more involved in college activities rather than bunking all the fun and events... our school was indeed a great place to be but i personally feel it second to the three letters C.E.T.

between.. good post...

Hari said...

What? i really consider our school above our college??? hmmm k... perhaps u should get a bit more involved in college activities rather than bunking all the fun and events... our school was indeed a great place to be but i personally feel it second to the three letters C.E.T.

between.. good post...

Hari said...

What? U really consider our school above our college??? hmmm k... perhaps u should get a bit more involved in college activities rather than bunking all the fun and events... our school was indeed a great place to be but i personally feel it second to the three letters C.E.T.

between.. good post...